September Scopes For All Signs And The Year Ahead For Virgo

Do you really know Virgo?

I am here for you. I am here to do my best and guide you through the gray and yellow fog of paranoia and anxiety that is gathering at the rim of our awareness. I know you can feel it. Sometimes its visceral and tangible, headlines like, “Zero Job Growth.” Maybe its a deeply disturbing film like Contagion nicely timed of course to go along with new and novel strains of bird and pig flu re-emerging. Or maybe its the white elephant in the room. You know what I’m talking about. Twin towers. Pentagon. Shanksville. Yep. That elephant. Warnings, murmurs, whispers. Small planes as weapons. Lets add some Elenin/Niburu doom vibrations while we’re at it. Am I leaving anything out? Rick Perry? There’s always Syria and maybe Algeria or quite possibly Iran.

Can we fast forward to Christmas? Can we get through “September Regurgitation” and “October Surprise”? Those are two menu items I would assiduously avoid. Well, since I have not yet perfected my “Rupture Rapture” technologies for anything larger than a field cricket just yet, I’ll have to do my very best to pull the words out of the ethers, align them into an expansive context and load them with as much multi-dimensional meaning as I can. The rest is up to you. If you find a portal in a sentence somewhere, I suggest you step through it. Perhaps you’ll discover something that will make you laugh. Laughter is a tonic. Don’t pass it up at any cost. Humor is a wave that will transport you to the farthest shore. If this realm is not the most surreal, twisted and sublime cosmic joke ever dreamed up by a grinningly foolish God, well you’re just not paying close enough attention. God is fool and I mean that in the most sacred and divine sense.

So if you can find that rip in space or a deep cosmic laugh that starts about an inch below your navel, then keep your head down, take lots of vitamin C and D and keep moving. Zig and zag like that young Mayan warrior in Apocalypto, across the killing fields and into the protective shadows of the jungle. Its all real and it isn’t. Isn’t that just a knee slapper? All right. Enough preamble and pontification. Lets get down to the scopes babies. With the purity of Virgoan intent, I offer you my service.

VIRGO AND THE YEAR AHEAD
A belated happy birthday dear Virgin, the most misunderstood sign in the zodiac, this coming from one of your almost, sort of own, hanging precariously by the thread of his 29th degree. Look at a cross section of your sign and you’ll see some of the most iconoclastic figures that have cut across the stage of time. You’ve got gangsters and monsters like Mickey Cohen and Ivan The Terrible. Then there’s infant terrible, Charlie Sheen. Ironically, the ultimate Leo, Louis The XIV, aka “The Sun King” is a Virgo. Certified big brain, Fabian socialist one world eugenicist, H.G. Wells and the undefeated champ, Rocky Marciano are also Virgos. While Virgo desires nothing more than physical and emotional perfection, this sign often falls far short or totally rejects the ideals of “conventional” morality or purity. Pee Wee Herman, once convicted of whipping it out in a theater is a Virgo. Herman was also busted for being in possession of child porn. That mysteriously evaporated and just this past month, Herman showed up the practice facilities of The Dallas Cowboys, who were once coached by uber-Virgo, Tom Landry. The French mad man of surrealism, Antonin Artaud is a Virgo. And the women? Goddesses. Some of the most beautiful women in the zodiac are Virgos. Raquel Welch, Greta Garbo and Ingrid Bergman–all Virgos. In my estimation, you are one of the most enigmatic and most miss understood signs in the zodiac.

So what does the year ahead have in store for you? You’ll be the recipient of Jupiter’s bounty, both directly and indirectly. Jupiter in Taurus favors good health and the recovery of your finances, though most Virgos are notorious savers. If you aren’t on the economic shoals like the rest of us, you can use your bounty to expand. A poor economy is a buyers market. Remember that. But your bounty is not solely rooted in the navel of Mammon. It also augurs, along with Pluto in Capricorn, the re-birth of your sexuality. Sex is power. There is no getting around it. That’s why it is so fully exploited and perverted in our culture. I think its interesting that an HIV scandal in the adult film industry surfaced under your sign. Virgos are generally (see Charlie Sheen) monogamous creatures, but they are tremendous and devoted lovers, once the ice of formality and propriety melts away. Sex and power continue to be major themes for you. Career opportunities for Virgo all revolve around communication and pushing ideas forward. Innovation and efficiency are thy names in 2012. Get out there and pitch your self and plans to make this world a much better place.

Early Virgos have their sense of spirituality expanded exponentially in 2012. It might be un-nerving for a few of you, but trust me, this is one, magical mystery tour you’ll want to sign on for. Just keep it clean and you’ll be fine. As Neptune in Pisces picks and gathers steam in 2012, there’s the potential for truly psychedelic experiences to available to the most sensitive of your sign. Life will be a trip. Take it.

As the fatally infected version of Keynesian capitalism crumbles and falls, people will be searching for real meaning and true value. The concept of service, not some weak-ass Michelle Obama commercial version of it, but really reaching out to your fellow man and woman type of service will be precious, like gold. And who has perfected this better than any other sign?

You.

Your time is coming. In tragedy and despair, Virgo, your star will rise. Happy re-birth days.

ARIES
There is an essential skill you’ve buried or simply forgotten. Well now is the time to do a little more digging around your past. You’ve been doing a fair amount of personal archaeology over the past few months and you are to be commended. I want you to go back in time and think about your life at the age of nine. You are poised to enter the realm of being a pre-teen and are leaving behind the blanket of innocence. There is something that was both a fantasy and a potential reality that you once thought could have been very important to you. I want you to go back into that time, and visualize that nine-year-old self. Then climb back into that body. Stay there for a while. Be with that aspect of yourself, which is still, in its own way, moving through time. You’re there to recapture the feeling of that thing. Why? Because it will likely save your life. I am not being dramatic or hyperbolic. You are in need of a new mission and one that will feed your body, mind and soul. Don’t get hung up on why you didn’t achieve or get what you could out of that. No judgment allowed. You’re there to blend and absorb the importance of the feeling associated with the yearning. Once you get what you need and really absorb it, then lovingly thank your nine-year-old self and move back into the future. Now the rest is up to you. What would it feel like if you didn’t honor that nine-year-old? It would feel like you would have abandoned that child. And, if you choose to live by the hopes, dreams and wishes of that child, you’ll be honoring not only your past, but your present and future selves. Now how does that feel? Aligning yourself in time with past and future intent is critical.

TAURUS
For some reason, when I focus on you, I think of Egypt. I’m thinking initiations. Chambers. I see you shooting out of your body, through the top of a pyramid and straight into a star gate. And since this is an adult site and column, I will add that I am also picking up a great deal of sexual energy. That’s not unusual, is it? But the key is how you use it. There is something deeply linked between consciousness and sex at this moment. Dare I say, you can help heal “this world” by consciously being aware of your most ecstatic and intimate moments? That doesn’t mean that you’re stopping and taking notes like Casteneda, but its about being in the midst of the energy and being conscious of it. Yes, this is a form of sex magic, but as you get more adept at experiencing your pleasure on multiple planes, guess what happens? It doesn’t stop with just sex. It moves outward and outward, like rings, like ripples, like waves of love and deep appreciation for all of creation across the planet. Remember what it is like to resurrect birth and mystery from moment-to-everlasting-moment. This is your labor day. Giving birth to the virginal vestige of innocence.

GEMINI
When I scrolled through the ephemeris for you, I kept wanting to get to 2012. Maybe that’s Jupiter talking, when it slides into your mutable beauty. Not sure, but is it has something to do with getting ahead of yourself. Slow down. Take it easy. There are ancient forces inside of you and they are coalescing. Fermenting. If I could stir the pot just a little, I would say that there are far greater oracular powers that will be yours for the asking. There isn’t a sign more suited for that sort of thing than you. While you keep your energy, just slightly in abeyance, Mercury finally shifts into your other (Virgo) and you can focus on whats around you that needs the most attention. We’re talking home. Wiring. Plumbing. Connectivity. Upgrades. How’s your office? Do you have one? If not, I suggest that you carve one out as soon as you can. This is a time for dreaming, envisioning, for building your stage. You know your time is coming and coming soon–but not just yet. Cultivate the anticipation like a precious crop. Don’t get ahead of yourself. Take your time and savor the moments. Unlike the rest of us that get slammed by the tidal wave of horse shit on our boogie boards without a leash, you find it all interesting and somewhat amusing. Let’s call it enlightened sociopathology. Stay with it. By next year, your heart cracks open like a fresh oyster from the sea.

CANCER
Feisty, pugnacious and retiring. These are the words that describe you at present. Your relentless pursuit of manifesting your identity has been nothing short of inspiring over the past few weeks. You’re juggling fiery orbs while flipping omelets and texting your beloved. Then there’s “The Man,” the monolithic thought form that you’ve been contending with. You’re doing just fine against that paradigm, real and imagined. You may also want to pay some attention to your shell, it needs a little TLC, so that you can take a nice retreat when October rolls around and all this fevered activity eases up somewhat. You’re my unsung hero of the zodiac for the past year and I continue to hold space for you to overcome the daunting conditions that you piled on yourself over a lifetime. Your victories are essentially our victory and as fellow Cancer, Todd Rundgren once famously said all you need is “just one.” Mid-month your brain power gets a serious boost. If there was ever a time for you to do those books, or write a book, maybe a cook book, that’s the time to either start, or finish. Just get er done. You epitomize clawing your way to the top right now. Don’t stop.

LEO
Okay, with Mercury getting ready to move back into Virgo, your long, extended, birthday party draws gracefully to a close. . . almost. Well just when you thought the curtain has drawn on your yearly coronation, later in the month, Mars takes its turn in your sign and guess what? Your identity and confidence gets a major boost. Did someone say “actualize?” I’ll tell you who will really benefit from the Mars transit. That guy in Washington. I’m no fan, but I am an astrologer and I can do the math. He’ll see some sort of resurgence. Enough about the “Fair-O of D.C.”
Let’s talk abut you some more. That’s right. I knew you’d like that. While you’re resurrecting your frisky self, there is also a stirring in your soul that evokes ancient memories of past lives and mission statements uttered before you took your very first breath. Its remembering your cosmic intention. Its reminding yourself why you are here. Now you might be the most successful lion in the jungle and yet, that gnawing, clawing, feeling that something just isn’t right won’t go away. The way to bring these restless thoughts into abeyance is to take some time out, real time out to check in and understand what that legendary heart really yearns for. Chances are, you’ll get it if you really, really listen.

LIBRA
You’re part of the big four (Libra, Cap, Cancer and Aries). This past year has been one, major, mother of soul crunching into what we call “transformation.” You’ve been challenged on a number of fronts. Saturn has made you focus more on the delicate dynamic of mine vs thine, self and non-self. Pluto has and will continue to stretch your motivation. Libra’s idea of an ideal career involves walking around in great clothes and having their picture taken in between fantastic meals. So Pluto has been pushing Libra’s out of their comfort zone. Then there’s Aries; Power struggle and conflict. This has really been an issue for people with Mars in Libra BTW–the Aries aggression has really stirred them on. So let’s do a quick review. Saturn has taken a poop on your romantic fairy tale. Pluto has made you get off your ass and work. Uranus has made you more politically incorrect than you’ve ever been. And guess what? You’re still here and better off for it. This month is almost like a past life review as you head into October and your yearly re-birth. Take some timeout to assess where you’ve been and just how much you’ve been stretched to grow in 2011. While I offer no perfect panaceas for you, I urge you to hang in there. All of your hard work pays off handsomely in 2012. From toast to the toast of the party good days are ahead. Now get back to work!

SCORPIO
The potential for romantic, gothic, teeth in neck, fishnet and full moon glory is extremely high for you this month. Mars enters Leo and begins a process of squaring Scorpio. Sun/Mars squares are truly dynamic. Epic friction takes place. 🙂 The fires of creation and in fixed signs to boot, so be careful what you wish for, because the power of fading Cancer Mars and a Pisces Full Moon can make those hopes and wishes, especially romantic ones come true. Then you’re left with the “now what” moment. Mars is also going to be a powerful force for you when it comes to moving your career agenda forward. You normally enjoy hanging behind the scenes, using your power and influence in stealth mode. That’s not the case starting later in the month and moving forward. You’re going to be in full view of more people than usual. Think of Wesley Snipes in “Blade” a vampire who can hang out during the day. it will be shocking for some people at first. They won’t know how to handle it. This is all a precursor for you for late 2012/2013, when Saturn takes up residence in your sign and forces you to deal with power and more importantly “your power,” much more directly. Just make sure that you’ve circled next Sunday and Monday (11th and 12th) on your calendar. Dare I say date with destiny?

SAGITTARIUS
Ever since the true node moved into Sag, a lot of archers are honing in on their identities and craft. Its been an exciting and dynamic time, getting closer and closer to the bulls eye of purpose. That process of discovery will continue, but September usually augurs a time for Sagittarians to slow down a bit. Pay attention to those stinking details–yeah, the ones you detest. They’re essential. So I propose that you take a Virgo to lunch this month and get as much insight into organization as you can. In fact, you might want to even consider hiring someone to do this for you if you can afford it. If not, then learn how to creatively plan routines so that they don’t become a drag that keeps you in a trance. Your life path is about snapping out of the trance and yet these everyday rituals can be quite effective when it comes to getting things done in an efficient matter. You’re an inspired type. When Mars enters Leo on the 20th, you’ll have inspiration to burn, which is why its important to get some rhythm and grounding before then. Get organized and get ready to fly on the wings of spirit all the way through the end of the year.

CAPRICORN
I watched this movie last night. It was a documentary called, “Cowboy del Amor.” Its a fascinating story about a man named “Ivan Thmpson.” He’s a grizzled old cowboy that plays matchmaker to American men and Mexican women. He charges $3,000 to find wives for men that are lonely or can’t deal with the modern, American woman. Its a strange marriage of convenience. The American men that he has in the film seem lost or out of time, both literally and figuratively. One man named “Lee” is 70. Thompson hooks him up with a woman he met in Juarez that presses his shirts. She’s been roughed up and abused by the men in her life and she falls for the older and considerably more stable, Lee. His desire to be married? He didn’t want to die alone. Her desire to be married? A better life with someone that cared and had some means. Why am I bringing this up to you, right now? Well its twofold. The first is, is that I want you to reconsider your notions of romance and what that might mean for you. If you are not romantically inclined, you might want to re-visit that and see the month ahead as an opportunity to re-invest in your heart. On the other hand, if you are so wound up in your romantic pictures and fiction, you might want to look at love and relating from a much more practical perspective and allow for love to sneak in through the side door. If you’re really on your game, you’ll do both and that pragmatic approach that you champion will give you what you really need. Oh yeah. Get away if you can. Hearts have wings this month.

AQUARIUS
Neptune has slipped back into your sign for a spell, both literally and figuratively. My own personal theory of signs is a little different at times than the classical version. I see signs as being viral and impactful despite their degrees. In classic astrology, points of contact between planets/signs is marked by degrees. Ten degrees is considered a very wide conjunction. Five and in, much tight and worthy of a notice. But I think that the power of the sign is in the sign itself and not specifically the degree, though they are important, don’t get me wrong. So when Neptune slides back into Aquarius, its a sign for all Aquarians to pay closer attention to their dream lives–their ideal visions of the world to come. Neptune will move back into Pisces for a little while and then leave your sign for good, so its imperative that you squeeze as much vision out of this as possible. Its a fine line between living in a state of reverie and being a sleepwalker. Paying attention is an art form. Cultivating the space between is where your head needs to be. Daydream but take notes. You might in fact want to squeeze in a little medicine journey if you know what I mean, but if you do, make sure that you can capture the essence of your excursion in some practical and fundamental way. Bring it on home.

PISCES
I’m much closer to you than you know at this point. I’m pecking away at Starbucks and even though its air conditioned, when I write these scopes, its intense, concentrated focus. I open to the muses in ways that I don’t understand at times and its a dynamic process. I’m actually sweating right now. Sweat is not something always associated with Pisces, but it is essentially water. Life force. Well guess what? Its your month to sweat. The Virgo son almost always requires you to get moving, get working, get practical and real. Its no mistake that children start school in September. The Summer for children represents a sort of primordial oneness, carefree and boundless (unless you live on a farm) and then Summer fades into fall. School calls us back into body, form and organized settings. Time to get to work. This September is no exception. But work for you should NOT equal drudgery. I have a dear friend that’s a Pisces super mystic Mom. She’s just as smart and turned on as a spiritual teacher that charges $1200 for seminars. She’s just chosen to be a mom in this lifetime, but I tell you what. If she used the Virgo Sun to launch a website for Mystic Moms,, not only would she have fun, she might make some money to boot. Maybe there’s a Virgo out there that could help her? In any case, that’s my real life lesson for you. Sweat but enjoy the hell out of it. My Pisces son asked the existential question; “When will the world change?” My answer to you fish? Its when you put some elbow grease behind your dreams.

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